it's funny how last march i felt the kick of going back to singapore. i felt like there would be so many more things for me to do/see/experience. strangely, this time around i feel different. i feel more dread than anything going back there other than a constant flow of work, work and more work. not that work is bad. work is good and so is the new found discipline i'm learning to conform to.
but all that cleverly marked out, well-planned country is actually a place that kills more than cultures. because being there is like having the life of you of every single waking moment being sucked dry. everything is so planned, so structured to the point that sometimes i feel like this robot being told what to do, where to move, how to do. and as a result of that the window to think, to create remains small, dimishing in size as the year progresses on.
you see, the minutes go by so fast. i know my time in singapore will be short: six months have gone by in a flash! so that leaves me with about one and a half years left to complete JC - i have no real intention on going to university here (but see, this also depends on circumstances).
anyway, despite things moving at lightspeed, i cannot recollect what i've been spending my time on. what have i done in the past six months that really meant something? almost nothing. i keep measuring things to those glorious days back in MGS, using things like YE days as yardsticks as to how school or how time i spent meant. problem is, nothing in singapore measures up.
i need to change things when i get back there. if not i'll forever be stuck in some self-inflicted, ruckus. i need to believe again. i need to live. i need to be Jordan.
